Desert Pepper's "Salsa Diablo", a common find I picked up from the bodega across the street, gets us in the mood with the following blurb: Born of the scorching sun and the smouldering sand, Salsa Diablo leads you into temptation with a wickedly sensual flavor and feverish, pulse-quickening effects. Sounds like a good time, eh? Let's dive in.
The salsa appears chunky, with no visible evidence of greenery or vegetables other than tomato. The kind of processed chunky you'd find in a jar of the cheapest stuff. Not a good sign.
The base appears thick, and indeed the ingrediates state not just tomato puree but also "New Mexican Red Hot Chile Puree". The ingredients further note "Fresh Onions", as if we'd expect otherwise. Another bad sign.
The mouthfeel is thick and rich, probably thanks to the pureed peppers. Immediately, the spice hits the back of my throat. Nice.
Unfortunately, it's hard to taste much other than salt and tomato and savory pepper. The mushy blobs, supposedly vegetables, have no distinct flavor, and, frankly, feel kinda gross to eat. 280mg of sodium per serving comes out to about 4 grams of salt in the whole jar. Ouch. No wonder I can't taste anything.
After half the jar, the spice is starting to make me sweat, which is kinda fun, but I'm left with a host of questions:
Can salty mushy tomato truly be considered "sensual"?
Are the "fiendish, pulse-quickening effects" supposed to make up for the lack of flavor?
Am I going to wake up tonight with acid reflux?
Don't bother finding out for yourself.